Time, Choice, & The Human

Time is nature’s way of keeping everything — all change, that is — from happening at once. – John Wheeler

One eventually reaches a point in his or her journey to understanding where they are so far removed from what had seemed to be that they occupy a mental ‘location’ that is inexplicable altogether. This Rubicon, this harrowing point of no return, is so subtle that they must spend additional years attempting to integrate it into conventional frameworks lest they become lost in their own discovery.

Our Earth is currently filled with inchoate (under-developed) theories and beliefs about all things that concern humans and things that don’t and for the last few years I have, with painstaking detail, sampled many of them. There is much wisdom to be gleaned from even the most unwise person; the hallmark of the ignoble man is to believe that he can no longer learn. Nevertheless, the issue with so many of these methods of thinking, these philosophies, pedagogies, religions, creeds — whatever one wishes to call them — is that many of them fail to penetrate beneath the subtle sheet of existence. They are incomplete assertions that may satisfy a few phenomena, but they constantly fall on their face when applied elsewhere. When many of our peers open their mouths, their ideas are drenched with this taint of incompletion, this recalcitrant residue of underdevelopment.

As I have posited many times over the last few months, these ideas are perfectly sound and valid given the nature of the individual mind. The mind seems to be capable of something I have termed infinite recursion, which is to say that it can bring itself to be convinced of anything and find “proof” for it. Proof is the material we use to construct our version of reality. We can chop, isolate, and contort data to fit a particular conviction we posses. Minds seem to possess peculiar abilities to believe the wildest things since the Universe possesses an innumerable amount of data much of which is wild.

Moreover, the mind is governed by curious mechanisms that modern science has still been unable to account for. Many of these mechanisms have been stationed to the weak realms of “natural,” for lack of better terms, but their effects are noticeable in everyday society. One of my favorite thought experiments throughout the day is measuring my “natural” reactions to things and trying to guess all of the underlying motivations that drive me to these points. The complexity comes to fruition when I realize that many different motivations, many of which are seemingly unrelated, are present when I am pushed into a response state. My mind can isolate a particular set of motivations and follow that path of logic, however, this does not preclude the other “hidden” set of motivations, whose effect also played a part in responding. An axiom that accompanies this task is, “a person is defined by what they react to;” one can learn a great deal about themselves by auditing their mental responses and tracing what motivated them to do so. Humans are not as simple as we would love to make ourselves out to be; many times the fundamental drives, aware and hidden, oppose one another. Although this imprecision has driven many a thinker to insanity, it is this high level of complexity that permits humans to be as interesting as they are.

Many people are fond of saying that time does not exist. While this is somewhat true, it is very shortsighted. Time as a structure, seconds, milliseconds, hours, and epochs, is indeed arbitrarily derived, even though developed with high accuracy. But to only discuss time in this manner paints an impartial picture and thusly, leads to an impartial conclusion. Time as a concept, however, is a universal necessity, or at least a universal necessity with regards to our conscious apparatuses. Time measures change. Time is intimately interwoven into all things existing independent of humans. Although scientists have struggled to create an exact definition of time, a testament to the arbitrariness of its construction, it is indirectly seen in a variety of alternative explorations into the Universe.

Man’s most egregious sin is his hubris. Many of those who fancy themselves inquisitors of Nature erroneously ascribe a primacy to the status of humankind. We never question whether the apparatus of humandom, the mind, the body, or other, are merely constituents of a larger body. We feel as if something is or isn’t, does or doesn’t exist, should or shouldn’t be, per our own specifications and limited experiences, then extend that “revelation” to the entirety of existence. Thus, because concepts like time are seemingly futile, that thing is relegated to a place of unimportance.

Why does science differ so starkly from most other pursuits? Because science, and scientific methods, value, although don’t always achieve, a level of objectivity that takes nothing for granted. It attempts to structure the cosmos not according to any man’s understanding or logic, but per repeatable specifications which can exist independent of human existence. This does not guarantee that the actions taken or the results discovered will be so, but its intentionality fundamentally alters how one views himself in the cosmos.

Science is not without its faults; it is still a human pursuit and thus, cannot escape the structures innate to us. Whether our brains will evolve and shed these blinders, no one can know, but nevertheless, we should constantly be pushing the envelope of possible enlightenment.

What is choice? Many a philosopher has debated this intractable issue, summoning the complex logic of “bounded” rationales. Is someone free to choose if their choices are somehow bound? Is a person bound to their socializing environment? Are they bound to their genetic code? Does the mind possess the ability to break free from genetic predisposition and if so, is it then subjected to a higher ordered set of “bounds?”

When you place choice and time in the same arena, humans begin to act in highly intriguing ways. Our interactions, our roles, our abstractions of one another begin to evolve and become more complex. We are still competing for the exact same things, status, fitness, senses of well-being, peer acceptance, and so forth, however, as the interactions complicate, so must the structures which support them. Changes, remember time is the Universe’s way of keeping track of change, are allowed to unfurl freely and without objective meaning aside from those controlled by the interactions of the people. The choices themselves being to unfurl as fluidly as the changes in society permit and within this dialectic exists a continuous model of “free choice.” Free choice is a shortsighted concept, at any given moment choices are limited, however, taken over a measure of time, one can see the infinite variability of existence.

Thus, there is a distinct difference in contemplating a moment and contemplating the present moment which is a stream of change by nature. When time is broken into these constituent parts, more penetrating insight can be gleaned about what it truly means to be a human here.

Many of the issues concerning sociocultural, socioeconomic, and geopolitical concerns are due to the nearsighted tendencies of man’s contemplations. We do not wish to expand the infinite manifold, the collapsibility of the mind, because that requires a pruning of the mental states in toto, a frightening proposition. But, with careful consideration, and an adherence to the principles of scientific inquiry such as never aiming to prove anything, but only to disprove inconsistent occurences, one is able to free himself from the tyranny of incomplete logic.

Many things are; yet, few things have to be. It is imperative that we delve deep into the nature of things or what is the use?

Morning Glory

It’s hazy, love.
I understand, I see your makeup running,
I hear your words.
I feel your pain. Truly.
Tell me that you love me.
Tell me that I’m your everything.
Tell me things will never be the same.
Tell me the lies so you’re never to blame.

Let the whiskey wash over your senses.
Let it speak the words you’d never dare to say.
Lips full and blush red, death dripping off everything you’ve said.
Life on the tongue, but something else exists on those lips.

You’re something else, love.
So lie to me one more night.
Pull your body close to mine and whisper that everything’s alright.
Lie to me, lover.
Lie to me.

Tell me the fantasies you wished you had,
Tell me I’m the man you wished you had,
Tell me how I’m this and I’m that,
I just have to hear it.

Drive away my demons,
Just for the night.
Hold me close through this night.
Hold me close through this night.

Overthinking

“You think too much.”

Really?

This is truly a phrase that I cannot get behind. There is no such thing as thinking too much; one can optimize the way they think, but to announce that someone has somehow overstepped a cognitive threshold is downright laughable.

And a testament to our species, unfortunately.

Now, with that stated, I can understand whence a person is coming from when they make this “observation;” I can honestly say that even though I vehemently denounce its usage, there is a certain folk wisdom to it. It seems obvious from an intuitive standpoint when you’re around a neurotic person whose mind is continually spinning or someone who is anxious the night before a big test…

Its perfectly logical, from a human standpoint, to tell someone that.

Logical, but woefully off the mark.

Tell a person that they should think about other things. Tell them they should think about other things from a different perspective. Tell them they should think about other things from a different perspective while questioning their anxiety surrounding it. Tell them anything except the downright lie that they somehow have exceeded the allotted thought quota for the day.

Sue us thinkers for working our way through problems the only way we know how. I tell people a lot that the “secret” to my own intellectual pursuit has been my ability to never stop thinking; at the time when most people are pausing for consideration, I have already come to a conclusion that is backed by what I believe to be evidence.

Now, a caveat. I do earnestly admit there are inefficient ways of thinking about things and that often is true culprit we are trying to lock down. For instance, in said neurotic person there may be a constant rehashing of a mistake or consistently incorrect conclusions that are drawn by the ways of flawed processes. In this light, it is not that one is thinking too much, but one is wasting their own life thinking about things in a fashion that brings no peace.

I, of course, am only privy to my own thoughts and thought processes, but if I were to tenuously extend some inductive logic across the whole of man, I would wager that many of us “overthinkers” are victims of our own insecurities. These insecurities are mentally manifested as fear, anxiety, and in some cases, incontrollable panic. In these moments of intense cognitive activity, we are not working to solve a problem as much as we are working to assuage our own doubts about our sense of self. Our very identity is what is as stake.

To this I respond, again, there is no such thing as thinking too much. There is healthy thinking and there is unhealthy thinking, I opt for refining the first one. Healthy thinking is considering many opinions at once without trying to find the “right” one. Unhealthy thinking is freaking out because “nothing makes sense.” Healthy thinking is a measured inquisition into the nature of the world [universe] around you. Unhealthy thinking is seeing the world around you as a cruel joke or unfair taskmaster. Healthy thinking causes you to ask, “why?” Unhealthy thinking causes you to ask, “why me?”

Healthy thinking finds liberation in the meaninglessness of life. It is freed by the ability to form and fashion thoughts anyway one wants to make them. Unhealthy thinking is doomed to trying to find objective purpose in a subjective existence. Unhealthy thinking leads to mental totalitarianism, an insufferable need to dominate and codify, lest one find themselves in the throes of futility.

Thus, my response to these ridiculous accusations of “overthinking” is perhaps one should think more on the right things in the right ways. Perhaps one should see themselves as a vessel of life, a life that needs no other validation than waking up in the morning and choosing to do what one thinks is most efficient. Healthy thinking, done right, inspires the most anxious of overthinkers to push beyond the bounds of their neuroses and inhabit a place of genuine inquiry.

Many of us will find ourselves thinking heavily in the midst of extreme emotional content or some gap in one’s life. We will go over and over a break up or wonder what we did wrong or how we could have responded differently. I’ve been there; these are all doorways into unhealthy thought processes. Instead, one should question how they got themselves into their present predicament and what did they gain from the experience. In the bad breakup, the pain overwhelms linear thought and sheer emotive content takes over. In the crushing grips of this cathartic experience, have the fortitude to ask yourself why you’re there. Instead of replaying the lowlights of a situation, replay the lessons you now know to avoid. Remind yourself of your position in the universe, a convergence of stardust and an emergence of consciousness. Remind yourself that you are imprinted with the signature of God, should you believe in Him.

Remind yourself that you are a statistical anomaly; an extremely rarified potentiality of a purely random process. Then, remind yourself that you are free. Free to heal, free to grow, free to forgive.

Put your overactive brain to use by exercising it healthily, not by feeling that something is wrong with you.

Anatomy of True Love: The Relationship

When it comes to conversations about love, I am at my most lucid and my most irrational. For over a decade now my focal has been the discovery of a bond which surmounts all human reasoning. As a youngster, I was often told that I was too impatient and needed to wait, which was true; now that I am older, I can honestly say I am no longer the hormone-raged boy chasing a feeling. However, I do revel in the idea of love. To me, its a beautiful thing.

I have never had a problem making friends. Even when I made the tough transition from Oklahoma to California, Long Beach to be exact, I quickly found a home crew of friends that spilled over more or less into middle school. I think it stemmed from having an older sibling I got along with; we never fought because as the younger brother I knew my place, I had no interest in her activities beside what she told me, and we protected one another’s identity. I can truly say I am a friend to all of my family members.

Being socialized that way made me respect other people’s opinions and space, I’ve never been one to try and force my way of life on any one else. This has permitted me quite the array of friendships, some intense, some functional fun. Many of those who have come across my path describe me as a close friend, I am an open door to anyone who needs respite from the savagery of mankind. Again, this permitted me many, many substantive encounters with a myriad of different people.

I tried to learn something from them all.

However, friends, for me at least, are a dime a dozen, which is a minority view. I never expect much from people and I cannot recall a time that I’ve been sad when I lost a friend through violence or circumstance. I may miss a person, but I cannot say that I experience the terrible ache of a missing limb. With my closest friends, I know that they will never not be my closest friends and therefore, I am slow to overly sentimentalizing our bond. My friends are exemplary young men and women and we support each other whether near or far.

In the realm of love, however, I am quickly worked up into a veritable frenzy. Perhaps its the indifference I feel towards most people being wholly channeled into the being of a significant other, but nevertheless, I am never as vulnerable as I am in the throes of a romantic encounter.

For me, a lover is a companion first. She is my best friend, bar none. She is my confidant. She is my refuge. She is my nourishment. I am all of these things to her and more. There is nothing and no one else on Earth that can compare to her, why be with anyone at all?

It is this idyllic world from whence I operate; all of my fundamental assumptions about what is stem from this place. The whole of my being is completely dedicated to that woman or else I have no interest in prolonging our encounter.

Although I’ve been accused, more often than I’d like I must admit, of being superficial, I have no physical form which idealizes this mythic creature. I have been lucky enough to have sampled the quixotic fruits of all races, creeds, colors, shapes, and sizes. I place no value of one physical figure over the next. I simply crave beauty, if a woman possesses the trappings of what I wager to be beautiful then she is it.

The supreme beauty resides within her soul and this is something I’ve only recently been mature enough to worry about. As a younger man, after all, I am still a young man, I was concerned uniformly with validating my own self-consciousness about my looks; I masked my own security in the beauty of the women I dealt with. Failed attempt after failed attempt revealed this to me with painful illumination. With my perceptive faculties dialed towards the inner parts, I have found my journey to the halls of romance both harrowing and enlightening. I’ve learned much about myself.

To speak of supreme inner beauty is no small feat. There must be a deep intelligence, not satisfied with the knowledge of the world, but an intrigue which presses up against the absurd. There must be a sensitivity of spirit, a peculiar faculty that is able to surmise even the subtlest changes in the world around her. She must be able to think and feel and express a profundity that renders me speechless.

As a companion, she must be able to understand me; assuage my doubts, confirm my strengths, and fill in my deficiencies. We are partners; a co-creation of bliss that is contingent on our abilities to support each other.

This is where the holistic notion of true love shines its brightest; I am not leading her and she is not leading me. We are both equally dependent on one another, she is attuned to my needs and I attuned to hers. There is a clear dialectic between the two of us.

She is not an object of my desire, she is the center of my desire; loving her is as worship to God, for certainly He placed her in my life. Ergo, it is not a sexuality that enmeshes me, but a sensuality which is incendiary to my soul.

There is a palpable fluidity between the two of us and an open communication network that allows both of us to voice our opinions without the fear of being judged or belittled. There is nothing on Earth that can come between us. This seems like an idealistic dream, but I know it is possible. I’ve seen it. I, myself, am willing to sacrifice my own pride, my own ego, my own sense of the world to achieve it.

For the right woman.

There can be no talk of selfishness in a bond of this nature and this is where most people fall short. We are hyper aware of our own needs and deficiencies and when entering into bonds with people we forget to check this baggage out the door. We are active hot-springs of excuses, conjuring up images of the fearful moments in our lives as the aversive factors in bad decision making. Even in the face of something “good” we are quick to retreat to some abject mental state which reduces the benefit, often to our detriment. Moreover, selfishness is an easily addressed conversation when true love is extant; we both know the other for who we are, we accept each other for who we are, and we work together for who we want to become.

What I have come to see in our world are advanced beings who are not quite complete in their self-awareness. Beneath the veneer of our sentience lurks deficiencies that few of us have come to face. We don’t engage the world in meaningful ways, we don’t engage one another; instead, we opt for functional exchanges of beliefs, with us confirming what we agree with and negating what we don’t. None of us can truly purport to know the truth, not your religious leaders, not your school teachers, not your parents, we are all guessing our way through while trying to maximize perceived utility.

I feel that I am tangentially connected to every human on this earth because I choose to see them as human first. I can make friends with ease because I don’t see myself as right or wrong nor do I see another as right or wrong, there is simply a dialogue if I may borrow David Bohm’s concept. I do not wish to prove or disprove, but to enjoy the variety of discursive possibility. This permits me the luxury of meaningful socialization on almost any day of my choosing.

With love, my aim is simply to build upon this enlightening path. Instead of being tangentially connected, I intend on being holistically connected to someone’s whose thoughts, movements, and kisses inspire me to be a better human, a better universal citizen. With my wife, the only woman I’m truly concerned about in this manner, my love is unbridled and unconditional. I do not wish to lead or domineer as aforementioned, but exist in a state of harmonic balance which brings out both of our strengths. This is a relationship that will not look the same from couple to couple; It is on the two involved to create those parameters.

But just as two close friends can create an environment no one else understands, I intend on generating that with my significant other. This is the only anatomy of a relationship I can accept. Anything outside of this is a friendship and although it is important, it does not sate the desires of my heart.

I hope this inspires or clarifies things you feel in your own heart about the love you desire. Sometimes its just good to see someone looking for the same things you are.

bryce