Let Me Love You

“Much as you blame yourself,
You can’t be blamed for the way that you feel
Had no example of a love,
That was even remotely real
How can you understand
Something that you never had?
Ooh, baby, if you let me,
I can help you out with all of that

Girl, let me love you,
And I will love you,
Until you learn to love yourself”

“Let Me Love You” – Ne-Yo

Pop star Ne-Yo came out with this single several weeks ago and I actually took to it immediately. Being a musician, I have a love hate relationship with pop music, however, as of recent I have actually liked a lot of the tracks put out by the notoriously depthless genre. (Really, I like the syncopation by the synths, the offbeat patterns reminiscent of older gospel music, and the overall complexity in the orchestration). A few days ago, I decided to take some time and really break down what this song is talking about given that its first few lyrics are commonplace in today’s dating world.

Let me cut straight to the point, as I do have a really bad habit of meandering in these posts. One CANNOT “love someone until they learn to love themselves”. This type of thinking is nothing short of disastrous in the lives of those with genuinely altruistic intentions behind courting a man or woman. I was texting back and forth with a friend of mine today who has recently undergone an exceptionally hard breakup and she told me that she is finally beginning to find herself again, after almost 6 years of being lost in the throes of toxic love. She said that she finally started to realize that she was in fact beautiful and worthy of receiving the love of a great man. To this I responded a woman that does not know her worth is a liability to herself and those around her. This of course is true for both sexes, but it does take on differing implications in terms of societal gender roles. A woman who loses sight (or never had sight in the first place) of her worth will find herself mentally, emotionally, and spiritually in places that are toxic to her physical being. This of course will manifest literally as harm to her physical self. She will continually love men that are cancerous, seek the counsel of poisonous friends, and constantly be in drama. A woman with low self worth won’t understand that her sexuality is a gift from God, she won’t understand that her womb is a harbinger of life, she won’t understand that a good man will put her on his heart’s pedestal and cherish her until his time on this earth is through.

A woman with low self worth does not love herself.

As a man, it is not your job to create worth for her, it is your job to fortify and nurture that which is already inside of her. I have heard many stories of women who were insecure until they were loved by a good man and experience noticeable changes in their day to day life. Sometimes this is erroneously described as a man “loving her until she loved herself”, when in reality it was nothing more than him “loving her until she understood herself”. The love was already there. A person cannot come in and instill love where nothing existed before, that is a gift reserved only for God. This is why I say that a man’s role is to nurture and protect, not because women are helpless and weak, but because our strength is complementary to their psyche. We make them better and they make us better.

So, although I generally understand what Ne-Yo is saying, I wholeheartedly disagree with his importunity. What he is appealing to in this song is the heart of a broken woman, but what he is setting himself up for is a world of disaster. All in all he is saying, that by him loving her with no guile and no ulterior motives, that she will heal from whatever wounds have been inflicted on her by her past. Again, this is not a man’s duty, nor is he capable of healing a broken heart. What he can represent is a crutch, however, a woman must decide between herself and God to truly accept healing from the past. I have been there, done that. Dealt with women who were broken, who had daddy issues, baby daddy issues, trust issues, abandonment issues, and so on. As strong of a young man as I am, I was duly overwhelmed by the severity of this types of oppressions. They go beyond the realm of cognitive logic and root deep within the soil of emotional turmoil. So instead of seeing myself as THE lifesaver, I begin to see myself as a tool in which God could use me to ease overall pain. I know I’m arguing semantics, but truthfully the devil is in the details; if I had understood these kinds of things as a young man, I would’ve avoided a world of headaches dealing with women.

As I begin to bring this to a close, there is one more lyric that struck a strange chord within me, as it is something I have dealt with extensively. He says “how can you be blamed for the way that you feel, had no example of a love that was remotely real”?. This is something I have been combatting for 5 years to absolutely no avail. I had the rare pleasure of growing up under two people that actually loved each other. Of course they fought and had all kinds of misunderstandings, yet everyday I saw my dad kiss my mother on the forehead, chase her through the house trying to tickle her, and come home EVERYDAY. So I flourished in a two parent home that was built on 1) a love for God 2) a love for one another. I had a prime example of a love that was really real and I had no idea how others who didn’t have that perceived passion. Thus when I began dealing with women, my immaturity mixed badly with my need to replicate that connection and I was literally bombarding young ladies with things they didn’t understand. We had no common reference point, as many of them had experienced divorces, infidelity, trifling ass niggas, and all types of terrible realities. I could not “help them out with all of that” because quite frankly it took me many years to understand the other, darker side of dating.

My point is relationships that are based on one partner (male or female) trying to save or “teach” the other how love works rarely pan out. Chalk it up to human complexity or any of the other viable reasonings, but a man is not meant to construct a woman’s soul, that is a place made exclusive for God and the woman to do. When two people come together, they should be evenly yolked, in other words, they should be equal partners on the excursion known as love. Within that equality they will trade off in terms of proficiency in certain areas; the woman may be an expert communicator and the man is more emotionally consistent. However, what they don’t have are these massive fluctuations in experience or overall intimate outlooks. The only way for this type of connection to continue is if those two individuals are so uncontrollably, madly in love that they somehow immediately trust each other right off the bat or they kinda orbit around each other for a long period of time until they become comfortable enough to interlock.

I have walked away from several women whom I knew we had no emotional equality. I am a narcissistic, ego driven, yet good hearted man that works to conquer as much of the intangible and tangible world as he possibly can. I have about as high of self worth as a human being can, I cannot and will not be fulfilled in a relationship where a woman cannot match my exuberance of self. If she is not proud of who she is, she will find herself constantly eclipsed by my ever expanding ambition and need for self actualization. I will stress her out and she will stress me out. The irony is, I am so confident in my abilities as a man, that I BEG The Lord daily for a woman that I can laud. A woman that I will love more than I love myself in my still emerging condition? A woman that literally can tame me enough to where my needs and wants play second fiddle to this clearly heavenly creature? That is a position of excellence that must be occupied and understood immediately. She must understand my need for her and subsequently generate a need for me.

I will never have to ask the woman of my desires to “let me love her”, because our undeniable connection will speak volumes for herself.

bryce

The Illusion of Perfection

“There are endless ways at looking at anything, for life is nothing more than a series of differing vantage points”

Perfection is a concept that like many other human constructs differs in application from person to person, but is fundamentally the same as far as definition. What people fail to realize though, is that an overwhelming amount of people’s concepts of perfection are constructs ultimately rooted in fear. Fear of inadequacy, fear of malfunction, fear of disappointment, perfection then begins to mirror escapism. If someone comes along and says, “picture your perfect location”, the individual will begin accessing a catalogue of climates, fauna, and topographical scenery that evokes positive feelings. From there, they will begin developing a utopian world in which escape from this current reality becomes possible. I know it sounds a little extreme, but it is for this reason that I posit that typical human constructions of perfection are fear, because they are often nothing more than elegant methods of escapism.

So what is atypical perfection? If typical perfection is founded on fear then clearly I am pointing to a binary companion of sorts… The Dr. Jekyll to the proverbial Mr. Hyde. Atypical perfection or healthy understanding of perfection is realizing that you as a free moral agent have the ability to define and occupy your own understanding of perfection ( or any concept for that matter). The first step to this, paradoxically, is rejecting the idea that perfection exists in the denoted sense. There is no perfect man or woman, no perfect job or profession, no perfect anything that requires you dealing with other human beings. Why? Because human beings are fundamentally imperfect creatures, therefore it is completely illogical to believe that we can ever see, feel, or touch the classical understanding of typical perfection. The second step to defining atypical perfection is to begin with yourself. Look deeply into the person that you have developed into and begin to ask yourself questions that force you to unveil more of yourself before your own eyes. You must become naked to yourself in order to truly discover what brings you satisfaction or fulfillment. We spend so much time lying to others that it consequently becomes a case of deluding ourselves, even if many of these lies are done with good intentions. We lie about being grateful for a job or being happy for another person, when deep inside we are as completely dissatisfied with the outcomes. The third and final step is realizing that you are never wrong about defining atypical perfection so as long as it doesn’t negatively affect another person. If your idea of perfection causes harm to another individual , then unfortunately that is not an acceptable way of living.

The problem with half of the things I propose, my theories and subsequent practical applications, is that one has to SEE or at the very least UNDERSTAND things the way I do. For some, that last paragraph is rambling nonsense and rightfully so because my way of thinking is not “right” nor is it “wrong”. However, what I am trying to impart on the readers is that much of your inactivity, disappointments, complacency, and failures is the result of fear caused by improper understandings of perfection.

Fear via perfection comes in many common forms, statements that we hear for our friends and family everyday: “What if she isn’t the one?” “Why did I waste all my time with him?” “Is God real?” and so on. From our childhoods we began constructing illusory perspectives on how things were “supposed to be”. Our wives were going to be like this. God was supposed to be like this. People were supposed to act like this. Jobs are going to make me feel like this. Over time, life has a way of confirming or diminishing our mostly erroneous parameters on perfection. As more and more things detract from our original compositions, we begin operating in fear of unhappiness or fear of disappointment, then instead of broadening our horizons or growing as a person, we construct ever higher walls of deluded perfection. We begin taking all the information we’ve amassed as adults and create the illusions of men and women that are mathematically implausible as a form of shunning the possibility of failure. We say to ourselves that “if Ashley acts this way, then I know I’d be the perfect man to her.” We completely cop out. Thats what typical perfection is, a cop out.

I have a personality that is rife with fear. Fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of ridicule, fear of unacceptance, fear of pain and so on; therefore, I spent many years trying to find “perfect things” instead of capitalizing on what I had and finding the blessings in every experience. I grew to resent the women that failed me. I hated the college I went to. I became embittered about certain life circumstances that hadn’t unfolded the way I saw fit. Because these things were not exactly what I wanted –hell a fraction of what I wanted — I found myself disgusted by them and ashamed by my inability to be accepted by them. As I’ve explained in my past blog posts, I cannot say that I’ve actually been heartbroken more than once or twice, but instead I have been excruciatingly pained by a woman’s unwillingness to accept my love, which ultimately caused me to be ashamed, not heartbroken.

What is the ultimate solution? Instead of trying to find things that are typically perfect, which is impossible and often driven by fear, one should instead begin defining perfection by simply what inspires them. What inspires you ultimately points back to your passion, thus, if you meet a man or woman that speaks to this intangible, absolutely pure component, you will have a much more discerning heart and mind. Moreover, your passion will begin causing changes in your physical environment, bringing you into places more salubrious to your personal fulfillment. I am not saying that every man or woman who inspires you will be your soulmate, but more so that you’ll have a much more accurate compass as you navigate through life.

I’m going to give you one last anecdote to try and drive home tonight’s theme. I know of an older woman who is absolutely obsessed with marriage and rightfully so, she is reaching the years of her life that mark a time of settling with a life spouse. However, when a conversation comes up about who she is dating, she is so quick to reject a man for even the smallest of things. For 6 decades she has been constructing the idea of the “perfect” man who will be hand delivered to her by God Himself. She spends hours and hours talking to spiritually inclined people about what they think The Lord is saying about her groom to be, but the problem is her eyes are shrouded by her fear of repeated disappointment. The result is a man that exists merely in fairy tales, because he is in no way shape or form anchored to any semblance of reality. In that sphere of existence, she will never be disappointed, never be abandoned because that man is her very own piece of God’s inspiration… It is my personal opinion that the man she will ultimately end up with will be a gentleman of noble esteem; however, her fears obstruct the likelihood of any male gaining an ounce of her time. She is trapped in her own delusion….

This is what typical perfection is… A delusion, from the mind of a person who is afraid of being hurt, however that hurt is manifest. When one can latch onto a fantasy and fabricate a world of comfort one never has to commit to the struggles of this world. When a woman constructs a Prince Charming, she shuns the idea of compromise and working through the valleys. When a man synthesizes a “get rich quick” scheme, he doesn’t have to endure the struggles of self employment. In life the things in life worth cherishing are the things worth being uncomfortable for. When you follow an inspiration, you WILL be uncomfortable, when you follow a typical perfection, you WILL miss out on a bunch of existential intrinsic beauty. Every tear shed today will result in a smile tomorrow, just as long as you understand why what you’re crying over is worth it. When you grasp “atypical perfection” you won’t feel sad because you are crying, but fulfilled because you know that with every obstacle comes great reward.

bryce

The Illusion of Perfection

“There are endless ways at looking at anything, for life is nothing more than a series of differing vantage points”

Perfection is a concept that like many other human constructs differs in application from person to person, but is fundamentally the same as far as definition. What people fail to realize though, is that an overwhelming amount of people’s concepts of perfection are constructs ultimately rooted in fear. Fear of inadequacy, fear of malfunction, fear of disappointment, perfection then begins to mirror escapism. If someone comes along and says, “picture your perfect location”, the individual will begin accessing a catalogue of climates, fauna, and topographical scenery that evokes positive feelings. From there, they will begin developing a utopian world in which escape from this current reality becomes possible. I know it sounds a little extreme, but it is for this reason that I posit that typical human constructions of perfection are fear, because they are often nothing more than elegant methods of escapism.

So what is atypical perfection? If typical perfection is founded on fear then clearly I am pointing to a binary companion of sorts… The Dr. Jekyll to the proverbial Mr. Hyde. Atypical perfection or healthy understanding of perfection is realizing that you as a free moral agent have the ability to define and occupy your own understanding of perfection ( or any concept for that matter). The first step to this, paradoxically, is rejecting the idea that perfection exists in the denoted sense. There is no perfect man or woman, no perfect job or profession, no perfect anything that requires you dealing with other human beings. Why? Because human beings are fundamentally imperfect creatures, therefore it is completely illogical to believe that we can ever see, feel, or touch the classical understanding of typical perfection. The second step to defining atypical perfection is to begin with yourself. Look deeply into the person that you have developed into and begin to ask yourself questions that force you to unveil more of yourself before your own eyes. You must become naked to yourself in order to truly discover what brings you satisfaction or fulfillment. We spend so much time lying to others that it consequently becomes a case of deluding ourselves, even if many of these lies are done with good intentions. We lie about being grateful for a job or being happy for another person, when deep inside we are as completely dissatisfied with the outcomes. The third and final step is realizing that you are never wrong about defining atypical perfection so as long as it doesn’t negatively affect another person. If your idea of perfection causes harm to another individual , then unfortunately that is not an acceptable way of living.

The problem with half of the things I propose, my theories and subsequent practical applications, is that one has to SEE or at the very least UNDERSTAND things the way I do. For some, that last paragraph is rambling nonsense and rightfully so because my way of thinking is not “right” nor is it “wrong”. However, what I am trying to impart on the readers is that much of your inactivity, disappointments, complacency, and failures is the result of fear caused by improper understandings of perfection.

Fear via perfection comes in many common forms, statements that we hear for our friends and family everyday: “What if she isn’t the one?” “Why did I waste all my time with him?” “Is God real?” and so on. From our childhoods we began constructing illusory perspectives on how things were “supposed to be”. Our wives were going to be like this. God was supposed to be like this. People were supposed to act like this. Jobs are going to make me feel like this. Over time, life has a way of confirming or diminishing our mostly erroneous parameters on perfection. As more and more things detract from our original compositions, we begin operating in fear of unhappiness or fear of disappointment, then instead of broadening our horizons or growing as a person, we construct ever higher walls of deluded perfection. We begin taking all the information we’ve amassed as adults and create the illusions of men and women that are mathematically implausible as a form of shunning the possibility of failure. We say to ourselves that “if Ashley acts this way, then I know I’d be the perfect man to her.” We completely cop out. Thats what typical perfection is, a cop out.

I have a personality that is rife with fear. Fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of ridicule, fear of unacceptance, fear of pain and so on; therefore, I spent many years trying to find “perfect things” instead of capitalizing on what I had and finding the blessings in every experience. I grew to resent the women that failed me. I hated the college I went to. I became embittered about certain life circumstances that hadn’t unfolded the way I saw fit. Because these things were not exactly what I wanted –hell a fraction of what I wanted — I found myself disgusted by them and ashamed by my inability to be accepted by them. As I’ve explained in my past blog posts, I cannot say that I’ve actually been heartbroken more than once or twice, but instead I have been excruciatingly pained by a woman’s unwillingness to accept my love, which ultimately caused me to be ashamed, not heartbroken.

What is the ultimate solution? Instead of trying to find things that are typically perfect, which is impossible and often driven by fear, one should instead begin defining perfection by simply what inspires them. What inspires you ultimately points back to your passion, thus, if you meet a man or woman that speaks to this intangible, absolutely pure component, you will have a much more discerning heart and mind. Moreover, your passion will begin causing changes in your physical environment, bringing you into places more salubrious to your personal fulfillment. I am not saying that every man or woman who inspires you will be your soulmate, but more so that you’ll have a much more accurate compass as you navigate through life.

I’m going to give you one last anecdote to try and drive home tonight’s theme. I know of an older woman who is absolutely obsessed with marriage and rightfully so, she is reaching the years of her life that mark a time of settling with a life spouse. However, when a conversation comes up about who she is dating, she is so quick to reject a man for even the smallest of things. For 6 decades she has been constructing the idea of the “perfect” man who will be hand delivered to her by God Himself. She spends hours and hours talking to spiritually inclined people about what they think The Lord is saying about her groom to be, but the problem is her eyes are shrouded by her fear of repeated disappointment. The result is a man that exists merely in fairy tales, because he is in no way shape or form anchored to any semblance of reality. In that sphere of existence, she will never be disappointed, never be abandoned because that man is her very own piece of God’s inspiration… It is my personal opinion that the man she will ultimately end up with will be a gentleman of noble esteem; however, her fears obstruct the likelihood of any male gaining an ounce of her time. She is trapped in her own delusion….

This is what typical perfection is… A delusion, from the mind of a person who is afraid of being hurt, however that hurt is manifest. When one can latch onto a fantasy and fabricate a world of comfort one never has to commit to the struggles of this world. When a woman constructs a Prince Charming, she shuns the idea of compromise and working through the valleys. When a man synthesizes a “get rich quick” scheme, he doesn’t have to endure the struggles of self employment. In life the things in life worth cherishing are the things worth being uncomfortable for. When you follow an inspiration, you WILL be uncomfortable, when you follow a typical perfection, you WILL miss out on a bunch of existential intrinsic beauty. Every tear shed today will result in a smile tomorrow, just as long as you understand why what you’re crying over is worth it. When you grasp “atypical perfection” you won’t feel sad because you are crying, but fulfilled because you know that with every obstacle comes great reward.

bryce

Men and Love

Some of those who have been reading my blog may wonder why I write so much on love. I cannot provide a succinct answer to that, however, what I can provide is a framework that is being fleshed out by my overactive brain: Love is one of the universal expressions that all people can interface with. It is not a language per se as many different people speak different languages and dialects of love. However, this rapturing emotion is a focal point in human evolution. Love of course is not limited to just intimate love, there are many variations of it such as companionate and familial. Though the intentions and ultimately actions each of these emanations differ, they are all conceived from the same basic wellspring. Furthermore, love is also fundamentally human. It is highly illogical by many standards, yet exceedingly logical in the heart of the person. Thus as our understanding of love evolves, we as an advanced sentient species will evolve as well.

The last few poems I published to this blog deal with the emanation I cherish the most, that of course being intimate love. Intimate love is similar to a cultural background, religious choice or life philosophy in that it interferes with virtually every part of an individual’s condition. Intimate love will affect everything from one’s professional life, their hobbies, views on people, views on God and so forth. Negative experiences with intimate love often times lead people to adopt exceptionally pessimistic outlooks on life, especially involving human interactions, even if those interactions have nothing to do with love. Intimate love is crucial in the development of both sexes; an overwhelming amount of psychology and sociology deals with the benefits and adverse affects of intimate love: the psychology of marriage, gender dynamics, differing outlooks from region to region and so forth.

Thus for millennia, a prime focus of many great minds and prolific authors dealt with the machinations of man’s quest for intimate harmony. Intimate love is a powerful energy, both destructive and vitalizing depending on how it is harnessed, transferred, and ultimate transmuted from the realm of the intangible to the realm of the tangible.

As a man, I am a schizophrenic. One side of me believes wholeheartedly in chivalry and honor, while the other is a hedonistic pleasure monster that merely seeks temporary, physical fulfillment; the latter is (depending on your philosophical/religious background) either a remnant of the sinful self or a hailing back to the our primitive evolutionary heritage dominated by natural instincts. With the young woman I am currently dealing with, I want nothing more than to be her Prince Charming. The words I choose to communicate, the sentiments I attempt to get across are as authentic as they are acquired, but also in me are the classic signs of male virility, the urges, the desires, the gripping need for physical release.

How in the hell does this last paragraph apply to love and what the f*ck is my point you ask ?

Both genders wage several internal wars against their past, their current, and their perception of the future. Each of those time frames come with certain artillery for and against the quarry of their battle. In terms of love the war of the past looks a little like this: A young man who comes from a single parent home and has never seen a stable relationship struggles with finding the purpose in trusting his girlfriend. All he saw from his mother and her old boyfriends were lies, backstabbing, cheating and inequality. Furthermore, his first love his senior year of high school, cheated on him over their Spring Break. The war of the current: He finds himself wondering why he needs love in the first place. Though his current girlfriend has provided him the bulk of what he’s looking for, there still exists inside of him the need to explore the world at large, why confine himself to this woman, who may not be “the one”? If there even exists such a thing. The war of the future: If he does choose unwisely then what ramifications does that have on his future? What if this woman does cheat? What if she isn’t his soul mate? What if he decides to walk away only to find out that she was the one?

Embedded within all three of these wars is the quintessential male struggle: providing love and support constrained by monogamy, a binding, symbolically lifetime choice or simply choosing to keep intimacy as far away from his Condition as possible. I cannot say that either is “right” or “wrong”, because each man will have to choose for himself, however, it is imperative that every man clearly state his intentions outright, to avoid any misunderstanding.

Men have for centuries been baffled as to what they should be. Should a man be a warrior? Should he be a poet? A peacekeeper? As the generations unfolded it became clear that a man should be all of the above. A protector or his flock, a masterful wordsmith in the art of diplomacy, and a man that promotes the principles of peace. The problem is a little hard for me to capture in words but I will try my hardest. Any time mankind gets to choose arbitrary amounts of compounds to make up a whole, different groups will emphasize different compounds. So, one group says that a man is 65% warrior, 10% poet, 25% peacekeeper, while another says no man is 33.333% of each. When you zoom in on how that applies to love, one can begin to see the unfathomable complexity that is human interaction. I’m focusing on men because I myself am one, but every person on this earth is fighting so many different things internally and externally, visible and invisible that it seems implausible for anyone to be sane enough to actually attain anything.

Therein lies the beauty of human existence, because that statement is absolutely true. We all hang in the balance between sanity and insanity, simply because this life has far too much data for us to actually comprehend.

So then, what should a man focus on? Faith. It pains me to come up with a seemingly cop out answer like that, but I’m going to show you why this is the answer. According to the Bible “faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen”. What are the unseen things hoped for, specifically regarding love? Fulfillment, “happiness”, satisfaction, passion. Faith creates an environment in which every battle within you must acquiesce to a single unified goal. Faith also causes the various components that comprise you to align with that same goal. Faith organizes who a man is, causing him to mold into the authentic individual he is supposed to be. Through prayer, meditation, and the aggregation of wisdom a man widens his stance thus stabilizing him in preparation for love. He will understand who he must be to a woman, to his friends, competitors, etc. The intimate love will then sequester into his condition, priming him for the perfect fit for his mate.

Everybody talks about faith, but how does one actually get it? 1) God has already placed a measure of faith in everyone, simply ask Him to activate and expand it. 2) Diminish the ego. Through deep meditation and introspection, discover what parts of you are toxic and work to shrink their hold over your life 3) Pray for wisdom 4) Speak your goals (not just regarding love) daily. Literally say them. Define the man you want to be and recite it daily.

These are preliminary things a man can do in order to love healthily. They will reduce the effects of the internal wars, while opening him up to a world of enlightenment.

bryce

Make It Last

I’d rather work on my issues with you,
Than dare to start over with someone new,
Only you, Only you,
Sweet child, Only You
Someone who,
Can speak to my soul the way you do,
From my point of view,
I’d rather tear my heart sunder,
Than to ever see us go askew,
I dive into your being just to Wonder,
If there has ever been a love this True,
We’ve spent far too long removing,
Conscious clothing, consciences growing,
Naked to each other so I saw you glowing,
Vulnerable, I saw us going,
To Valhalla, Nirvana, Heaven’s gates
Then showing,
God our eternal gratefulness.
So I cleave to my Vow;
I praised commitment then so I cherish it now.
I’d rather spent a thousand nights crying with you,
So that when the sun rises our mutual prizes
Will be the smiles of two people trying to.
Make it last.

bryce

The Illustrious Us

If dedication is eradication of fear appearing real,
Then my commitment is simply persistent courageous appeals…
I let my actions heal,
Old wounds that still feel,
Current pain because the “him’s ” of the past knew the deal,
But their fear blocked them from ever giving real…
Real love.
Real engagement.
Real devotion.
So with quixotic bravado I let my cauldron brew emotion,
So that the potion we share is an elixir of motions,
Motions beget actions & actions give credence to thoughts,
With all credit counted the intentions I’ve wrought,
Complete my circuit of committal,
With no fear I give my dedication,
Pledge allegiance to her sovereign nation,
And swear my soul to the illustrious Us

Bryce

Thoughts VIII: Lover’s Limbic System

When I think about love, affection, passion, or romance, I often jump head first into my fantasies. See for whatever reason as a kid, I imagined that true love would be what I wanted, not really what Disney or Dreamworks said it would be. I had a baseline for love — my parents — and from their I began creating the “perfect” relationship. Love for me is something of the order of inspirational, invigorating, enticing. The idea of a woman who I “fall” for is something too exciting for words. In a world where I find more I dislike than like, the belief that I’ll find something that I’ll love or be in love with is nothing short of mesmerizing.

This post is a semi commemoration to Mr. & Mrs. Brown who are celebrating their 30th anniversary today. They set quite a precedent for my sister and myself. These are two individuals that rarely, almost to the point of never fought in front of us. People who shared everything, money, secrets, and sacrifice. Who grew over the years. Learned over the decades. Who still chase each other around the house tickling, laughing, and messing with each other like they were 20 again. They truly embody timeless love in their early middle age.

I want that kind of love so bad that just like my obsession with my professional success, I know will come to pass. My heart and my mind are entirely too ready, my soul is doing all that it can to prepare space to embrace another. My spirit is in constant prayer and thanks to God, because he knows that He has already chosen her and her entrance will be glorious. I have a lot to offer and I need a lot in return. I know and God knows that I could never turn around and settle for anything lower than my thoughts have created. The Lord and I have spent too many years in dialogue going over what’s good for me and what isn’t. I wouldn’t never be satisfied with half assed love.

The limbic system is sort of an antiquated medical term now, but it still is generally accepted as all the components of the brain that control emotion. Love & affection are of course in those components. The Lover’s Limbic system must be an extremely volatile place because only in an extremely volatile place could a relationship flourish for 30 years.

“And when she touched the nape of my neck I shuttered,
Seems like upon those lips were generators,
And suddenly my body was the medium for that energy,
She filled me — no — consumed me,
With the power of a single kiss,
Her lips. Her lips…”

The Lover’s Limbic system is volatile because it possesses energy. An energy which becomes transmuted as motivation to love harder, or forgive, or pursue. That transmuting becomes the romantic things we see our more quixotic friends doing… The moonlit rendezvous, the flowers and cards, the rose petals, the magical, breathtaking first times. The LLS (Lover’s Limbic System), drives them into a productive frenzy, a surge of emotions that can only be channeled for that person at that time.

“She changed me.
I’m certain.
Its like… I don’t know…
She pulled back a curtain,
On a part of my heart I wasn’t aware of,
I swear love,
It makes me crazy.
I’m just happy its all for that lady…”

Yes that lady indeed. That woman who makes things happen around your seed. Her voice in your ear is mellifluous, intoxicating. Her absence, back breaking. No other woman can fill that void, like two supplemental angles. She makes you a full 180 degrees. God knows it. That’s why he created passion, for the LLS to explode in such a vehement fashion. Intimacy, the burning need for that woman, this seemingly endless craving for her is what should be inside of every husband. This American interpretation of “I hate my wife” is not what God intended. There will be tough times, extremely tough times, when you may go to God and wonder wtf he was thinking, but the electrifying kiss, the transmission of that primal, timeless energy should be with you always.

“I held her like she was a priceless gem,
Well I guess she was my treasure,
Infinite, incapable of measure.
My face on her neck like I was trying to breathe into her,
And chest softly rising and falling,
I finally saw how much I needed her,
There was something in my belly,
Not literally, but still turning my bones to jelly,
It started out subtle, like a small voice inside an old closet,
Then is rose in power,
It was like a vortex moving at thousands of miles per hour,
A violent, silent force which oscillated between her and I,
Beautiful her and I,
I kept pulling her close as if I could really make 2 flesh one,
It wasn’t lust, it wasn’t admiration,
I didn’t desire her with lasciviousness,
I felt no insipid denigration.
No I loved her — I was in love with her,
I felt it. I heard it calling.
It connected us with bands of energy.
Ezer kenegdo,
My helper, my lover,
My equal alongside…”

FKJR

Thoughts VI: The Lemniscate Theory

For those of you have read the introduction to this miniseries, you will recall my discussion of asymptotes, the lemniscate (the sign for infinity), and limitlessness or infinity existing within boundaries (a straight paradox if ever there was one). If you didn’t read it and don’t feel like scrolling down to find it, here’s a very brief summary:

An asymptote is a line in mathematics that gets infinitely close to a number without ever touching it. These graphs usually describe functions such as logarithms and the like. What an asymptote points to is the idea that there are an infinite number of values between any two points. For instance, between 1 and 2 one can have: 1, 1.01, 1.001, 1.0001 and so on until an infinite number of zeroes. Or even: ~1.9, 1.99, 1.999 and so on. Within the discrete parameters of a number n and another value m an infinite amount of space can be count from it. However, for conventional mathematics, its simple to just think in terms of real integers or fractions.

How this translates to humanity takes a bit of critical thinking, but is applicable. Man is created with tangible and conceptual limits. Tangible being things like we ourselves cannot fly or as far as evolution has us we cannot run 100 meters in less than 9.5 seconds. These are bodily parameters. Also, the biggest tangible limit is death. From the moment we are born, we are essentially dying. Conceptually, our limits are more abstract. A conceptual limit is something like a Christian understanding a transcendent, omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent God. We cannot really put that into understanding because our minds will not see this reality in our lifetime. Other less supernatural conceptual limits are man’s naturally fallibility. Things like greed, lust, covetousness, anger, pride (all the cardinal sins), and selfishness lend to the creation of boundaries by which we can further exacerbate limits on others. Just take the Occupy Wall Street movement. Due to the selfishness, greed, and manipulation by the plutocratic 1% elite, the 99% has been left to foot trillions of dollars on a bill we were the victims of.

However, within these limits, God has placed infinite potential and opportunity. I call them variables. Daily we experience hundreds of variables, over a lifetime an infinite amount. Due to the sheer immensity of all the things we can be or do, the Lemniscate Theory simply states that: we are infinite beings, who can enjoy infinite existences, within the boundaries of life. This is humanity in totality and also on an individual level. If God doesn’t end the world, or hell, we don’t nuke the joint ourselves, the human species can evolve infinitely. We can continuously make quantum leaps as a species and extend our dominion, prowess, and acumen over virtually anything. On a micro scale, we ourselves exhibit limitless identities. Via divinity and just being ourselves.

The Wise Man says in Proverbs “commit thy works unto the Lord and thy thoughts shall be established”. God thinks infinite thoughts. He thinks integrate, innovate, and create but ceaselessly expanding. If we allow Him to guide our thoughts, then we become more like Him, more prone to succeeding in ways we never knew imaginable. We can transcend the borders of old thought while inventing new, better thoughts. Also affiliated with the Lemniscate Theory, is the concept that anything that has ever been thought was already thought since the beginning of creation, by the Chief Thinker which I know as Yahweh or God. Therefore, as we access His thoughts, He offers keys to thoughts on new frontiers.

Applying the Lemniscate Theory to your life enables you to realize that anything, anything, you set out to do is possible. Because you are limitless and because there are infinite combinations and permutations for your success, your triumphs can be attained. However, just as likely the positive, the negative. There are also limitless ways to live in failure and bind yourself to a limited existence. This is what we see on the daily. People choosing to live in defeat. This in turn is made worse by those with influence who create limited environments. The power elite, the slumlord, the biased governmental agencies, the foreign tyrants, the murderous militias in developing countries. Racism, elitism, pride, and the like all contribute to the limits you can place on a person’s mind.

The spirit is always unlimited, however, tapping into it is like tapping into a bottomless ocean, you will always be refreshed.

The Lemniscate Theory is provable by anyone. It takes the equation from “Thoughts V: The Equation” and conceptualizes it for anyone. You can by your faith create a world in which you can succeed. With God you can create one where many can succeed. By relinquishing all of the old disbelief (Thoughts III: The Thought Spectrum) and getting as many of your brain cells locked into the wellspring of infinite opportunity, faith, you can and will see, feel, and more importantly know that your life is getting better. Doesn’t mean you’ll be rich, famous, fall in love with a model, or whatever fallible things we as humans equate to “happiness”, but faith will help you actualize.

The Lemniscate Theory Works. I’m living, daily proof.

FKJR

Thoughts V: Equations for Success

In “Thoughts: The Thought Spectrum” I introduced the equations for cognitive success. Here it is again:

1) Faith (belief in the success of something) + Experience (that which has shaped your perception/perspective) = Wisdom.

2) Wisdom + Patience (knowing God has a timetable superior to yours) – Pride (or obstructive ego) = Progress

3) Faith —–> Progress by way of Respecting the process (whatever method you have prayed, meditated, or thought excessively about)

Addition
4) Progress + Persistence = Profit

Profit is the universal currency to achieve your dreams. Profit can be anything, not just monetary. It can be general interest in your product, service, or request etc.

Now “Faith” “Wisdom” and such are such large and kind of “mythical” concepts to most of us. Every time someone starts kicking this mumbo jumbo at me I usually just stare at them. Because the truth is, these clever plays on words are not easy things to actually do. No matter how nice the alliteration or mnemonic device, the issue is that these are hard. So I’m going to give you a few tips.

[Faith] – believe in your success through the eyes of God. In other words, pray about your dreams because the more you saturate and involve your spirit (not to mention the head honcho in God), the more the answers will become readily available to you. From answers come tools and before you know it you’re walking through open doors. Also, incorporate your dreams in your day to day. If you always wanted to start a business, start living like an entrepreneur. Talk to people about your dream. The power of life is in the tongue. Speak life into your dreams.

[Experience] – self explanatory. You’ll get this whether you choose to or not. Life happens.

[Wisdom] – is taking what you know and being able to apply it to what you believe. Wisdom is the practical application of knowledge. With wisdom in terms of dreams comes the understanding of how to use the God given tools inside of you, in order to achieve your dreams. If you are standing on Proverbs 16:3 “commit thy works unto the Lord and thy thoughts shall be established”, then as you do things for the God, the understanding thoughts we all seek will flow readily.
[Patience] – know that although anything is possible, you will probably need to wait and stay diligent. Remain steadfast and loyal to your dreams and keep your pessimistic mind out of it!!! I can’t stress that enough. Nothing erodes patience faster than negativity. Trust me.

[Progress] – any forward movement. Big or small. Be grateful for every move made.

[Respect The Process] – understand that in this life, God wants you to learn. So no matter how fast or slow you go through the process, respect every step and be mindful of every triumph and disappointment. What am I being taught. This inspires one to pray and understand the value of the journey (or process).

[Persistence] – No matter what, you must stay diligent. Screw plan B and C. Plan A until you die. We live in a different time, so utilize every source, exhaust every outlet, until you can no longer move. And when you can no longer move, listen for the still small voice. It’ll be a glow in the silence. Trust me.

[Profit] – what we all want.

Hopefully this makes a little more sense. Step one is to figure out what you want and why you want it. Then pray, meditate, until you can think of nothing else you want more (in that arena). Then do everything in your power to keep at it.

I pray that all of you get it.

FKJR

Thoughts III: The Thought Spectrum

Your thoughts are like energy levels or states of matter. See at one end of the spectrum there’s solids. Low energy and low movement by molecules. The next phase is liquid, more movement and more energy. Then gas and plasma. Even more energy and movement respectively. Now as a substance changes from states to state, does thr substance’s molecular form change?

No it does not.

Whether water is ice, liquid, or water vapor its molecular formula is still H20 and that is not going to change. Thoughts are very, very similar. See the thought spectrum ranges from faith, to uncertainty, to disbelief with of course a variety of subphases in the between. Thoughts can go through phase changes, which if uncontrolled can cause the thinker to experience different things some good and some bad. Just think about the benefits of ice, liquid water, and water vapor… None of them are better than the other in totality, for they each have specific purposes and can be harnessed for different utilities.

Faith is something we are all born with. Think about a child between the ages of 0 months to about 8 years old, they wake up not knowing about how they’ll be clothed or what they’ll eat but just know that things take care of themselves. God has meted out to all of us a measure of faith which is the purest form of all active thought. Now faith isn’t all spiritual. Faith is simply believing in a formula and its subsequent outcome. Faith is saying “I’m going to study for this test because positive study habits provide better test results.” Its creating an solution and going through the equation knowing that it will work. Faith is a great place to be because it allows us to utilize virtually all of our potential.

Uncertainty is the nest phase. Uncertainty occurs when we see that life isn’t necessarily as easy as we viewed before. Its the awkward phase in life. Its your first run in with an unreliable person or your first break up. Its waking up on Christmas morning to no toys because your parents couldn’t afford them. Its losing a close family member to a disease. Its the rational reaction to “life isn’t fair” and “shit happens”. No longer are you quick to assume that life works on your behalf and things don’t always work out. Where faith can sometimes be naïve, uncertainty is the “eye opening” experience.

Disbelief is chronic exposure to the elements that incite uncertainty. These thoughts are “pessimistic”, caustic, and critical. They challenge the status quo and see simply results. Many empiricists are disbelievers, because until a thing can produce a thing of its own, that thing is unviable. Disbelief is the response to many breakups and fake friends. Its being homeless at 13 and 16. Being picked on or being hungry. Its being racially marginalized for decades and seeing every white person as the enemy. Its distrusting the government because they are all crooks and duplicitous. Disbelief has a hard time believing there is a God, especially a transcendent God who is omniscient, omnipotent, and omnipresent. Disbelief can barely find love because its stuck to its past etc.

The overwhelming majority of my thoughts leaned to disbelief for the last 6 years. As I experienced more disappointment more of my thoughts phase shifted down to disbelief. My uncertainty began when I got to California. I was a spoiled kid from the suburbs of Oklahoma, cast into the urban jungle that is east Inglewood. I had many nights with little to no food, a decade straight of underwhelming Christmases even though my dad worked hard, heartbreaks, and insecurity. By the time I entered high school I simply wanted to survive, Darwinism, and I phase shifted even more each year in to a callous, unbelieving prick.

Here’s the beauty though. Cancer cells are nothing but normal cells gone rogue. They phase shift into something malignant, like faith to disbelief. However, if one can apply the appropriate mental treatment, one can get back to the original phase, faith.

And what is faith plus experience? Wisdom. Being a child is in fact naïve and expected manna to fall from the sky is idiocy. However, taking all the pain and disappointment you’ve experienced and still believing in God’s triumph in your life inspires wisdom. If you can simply grasp the concept that you live in a limitless system created with limits, you can begin to move mountains. Mankind, especially when they allow their spirit to lead their mind possess infinite potential. When paired with a belief that you will succeed at something, like say a marriage or a business or a career choice, you create a mental and spiritual picture which becomes currency to this earth.

Equate in patience with the reduction of pride, then you allow more room for progress.

So here’s the formula:
1) Faith (belief in the success of something) + Experience (that which has shaped your perception/perspective) = Wisdom.
2) Wisdom + Patience (knowing God has a timetable superior to yours) – Pride (or obstructive ego) = Progress
3) Faith —–> Progress by way of Respecting the process (whatever method you have prayed, meditated, or thought excessively about)

Allow your thoughts to get back to faith. Even if you aren’t necessarily God fearing, understand that faith in something promotes the mind to fall in love with something. When you do find your psyche enamored with a goal or concept you will be more prone to discovering a way of accomplishing that. Disbelief and uncertainty cloud pure intent behind fear, pain, and doubt. They are like having a Plan B and C because you can never fully commit to plan A. COMMIT TO PLAN A AND PLAN B AND C NO LONGER ARE IMPORTANT.

Remember that faith is a hope for better things to come, even if that means things aren’t perfect as you work to that place. Faith is an obsession with betterment, a blanket of peace in time of turmoil, and verification in time of harvest.

Keep your thoughts in line with faith and watch your life turn around.

FKJR